I guess I am in a musing mood today. For the benefit of my oldest daughter who is 18 and in college let me share a few thoughts on dating prospects:
1. Hot guys love the Lord and have a real salvation testimony. They live their faith and are not ashamed of it.
2. Hot guys have jobs, pay their bills, and fully fund the dates.
Approved dating activities: church, church events, well lit public places and activities which foster positive, moral behavior. If you are thinking of dark secluded places to show her some special attention …. THINK AGAIN. Keep all aspects of your personal anatomy to yourself. Failure to do so will result in your losing that appendage permanently.
3. Hot guys come in the house. They shake hands and converse with my daughter’s parents and family members. They do not drive in the driveway and honk. I have a nervous tick from my years as a POW. Honking creates flashbacks causing me to respond in full tactical assault mode.
4. Hot guys bring my daughter home safe, sober, and purity in tact. They bring her home on time. If she comes in slamming the door and crying … Houston, we have a problem!
Additional drop off notes… Upon pulling into my driveway, place both hands in clear view on the steering wheel and keep them there. Yes, the face in the window looking out at you is me. Do not ask about the infra-red dot on your chest. When my daughter is safe inside and you are backing out … the dot will go away.
5. Hot guys respect her, treat her like a lady, and act like a civil human being in her company (glad to be there because you can be replaced in a nano-second).
6. Hot guys DO NOT show up asking for my daughter looking like a reject from a reality TV tattoo show, pierced eye brows (or ears for that matter), or a dip/wad of chew in your mouth. IF you insist that you’re a God loving honest young man with honorable intentions desiring her pastor father to give you grace ….fine. You must agree to the following: Being dry scrubbed with brillo pads until the tattoos of vipers, women, and pot leaves are gone … having the piercing removed by needle nosed pliers, and swallowing the dip. IF I discover you have a tongue bolt or quarter holes in your ear lobes … I will express mail you back to the place you escaped from.
On a serious note…
7. Hot Godly guys plan a future that includes prayer, hearing from God, and following His will. IF that plan does not include her … do not disobey God’s directive. Your sin will effect her.
I’m done – for now. I’ll get to the boys later.